Although she’s still savouring the immeasurable joy of
motherhood, but TY Bello had to endure struggle with Endometriosis, IVF and
ceaseless pressure from friends and family before she finally became a proud
mother.
In a recent interview, TY, who revealed she went through IVF
to conceive her boys, said the journey to pregnancy was a very intense one for
her, as she also cleared the rumours that she employed the services of a
surrogate mother to carry the twins for her.
“My journey to pregnancy was
a very intense one. I had just been through the toughest nine years of trying
to get pregnant, being confident that it would be a breeze since I had always
known that I would make a great mother. It was quite humbling when it didn’t
happen as I had envisioned it. It was grueling actually,” she said
She also hinted that she had always joked about having twin
boys to make up for the lost time of motherhood and that she never knew God was
listening to her.
“At first we didn’t know I
was carrying twins. When I was going for my test, I didn’t feel pregnant.
Before I went, I heard in my spirit, ‘Wear something nice’. I questioned the
voice and wondered if it was nice to dress so nicely and get disappointed,
setting myself for a heartbreak. In the end, I obeyed. I decided in my mind
that whether I was pregnant or not, I was not going to stop believing. My
doctor was very dramatic about the announcement too. She screamed so much we
couldn’t even decipher her words. I had a delayed reaction as her words
wouldn’t sink in. It was overwhelming, We were truly happy and couldn’t stop
crying.
I remember two people,
Pastors Obi Pax Harry and Angela Ashong telling me matter-of-factly that I was
going to have twins. It happened to the detail. My friends know how I have
always made it a joke about having twin boys to make up for lost time. I wanted
boys because I joked that I was an eternal fourteen year old lanky boy myself
and so we would all get along. I can’t believe God was listening. It was few
months before we could confirm that we were having boys.”
The ‘Land is green’ crooner also said she discovered that a long
standing undiagnosed battle with Endometriosis was responsible for her delay in
pregnancy,
“In perfect timing though,
two older friends of mine, Dr Odaga and Mrs Morin Desalu came into our lives
and helped us be more proactive in our journey to becoming parents. What
started with dark clouds took a turn. For instance when Aunty Morin whisked my
husband and I to see her doctor at George’s hospital. We discovered that a long
standing yet undiagnosed battle with Endometriosis was responsible and I just
assumed I had the worst period pains. Shortly after that, through Dupe
Kupoluyi, we met a fantastic doctor named Yemisi Bero at the Arc Clinic who
became our fertility doctor.
“I went through my IVF cycle
with her, probably in the middle of the busiest seasons in my career. I
remember jabbing myself at airports sometimes just to keep with the schedule as
I worked like crazy. Sometimes I think I stayed so ridiculously busy just to
keep my mind off the difficult process. To the glory of God, that cycle was
successful and everything inside of me screamed for me to slow downed but I
didn’t just know how. I decided to start a pregnancy journal and instinctively
titled it “Quiet Streams” Immediately I knew then that everything was going to
change and it did. It was like a switch was flipped and my body went rest
mood.”
Just like some other women who have stayed over four years
in marriage without a child, TY Bello’s friends and family pressurized her
severely during the wait for her babies.
“Oh you can’t even begin to
imagine. Society and even your personal fears can pressure you before a desire
manifests. In our society, as with most, once you hit a four year mark after
your wedding, everyone around you starts to blare their alarm. Nine years? Now
that was deafening. Every time I prayed, I knew everything was going to be fine
and my life was in the course set for me. The pressure gets more difficult when
you are trying and it isn’t happening.
It was important I turn a
deaf ear sometimes. It was important that I didn’t feed my doubts. Someone once
said to me after the babies came, “You can’t call your experience waiting, you
were living your life to the full before their arrival”. I explained that was
exactly my waiting experience. I always say that Christ came to die that we may
have life and have life abundantly and that I want to live life to the maximum.
If you allow yourself to sustain a state of misery because you don’t have
something, whether marriage, children or a dream career, then you can’t have a
full life. It is in the place of living outside of the tyranny of the desire
that it comes to you in its full glory. I knew for sure I was born to be a
great mum. I just wasn’t sure on how it would play out but I knew it would
happen nonetheless.”
She also reacted to the rumors that she did not carry her
boys herself, that she engaged the services of a surrogate, TY said
“Funny enough I had a shoot
during my pregnancy and the makeup artist who did my makeup during my maternity
shoot was in a room where this was being thrown around and she couldn’t stop
laughing as she spent enough time with me when I was pregnant. I was blessed to
have Kelechi Amadi-Obi make the photographs and it was special as he had
photographed our wedding as well.
Its beautiful to have your
bump photographed in appreciation but not necessarily as evidence of your being
with a child. There are women who would become mothers via adoption or
surrogacy. The difference is insignificant. We all carry our children”
Finally, the proud mother of Chris and Chris advised other
women who are waiting for a child to tap from her testimony and believe in God.
“Waiting of any kind can be
very troubling. You can’t imagine what a waiting woman goes through. I have
spoken to many women and they described the process as getting an endless cycle
of hope and disappointment. That is what breaks the spirit coupled with the
stigma, especially in this part of the world. My advice is to never let go of
the desire to be parents as God himself put it there.
Celebrate the fact that you
are alive and never take it for granted. Give yourself permission to experience
joy, to dream and fulfill purpose as you wait. It adds value to the type of
parent you become. It is always worth it in the end.”
Toyin (Ty) Bello (nee Sokefun) is a Nigerian musician. Her
music is eclectic: urbane, groovy and soulful; and is laced with hip hop, jazz
and R&B. She is a University of Lagos economics graduate. She was a
member one of Nigeria’s most celebrated urban gospel band- Kush made up of her,
Emem and Lara.
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